Run

There comes a time in our lives when we feel as if we don't belong anywhere. The deal for survival is to get past that phase. Those who can, are winners; those who cant, are…not. I belong to the later category. I have been hanging on to my past for so long or is it my present that I can't deal with. I don't know. I wish I had someone I could rely on. As much as people try to care for me try and understand me… I know they can't, not in the way I want them too. I stand on the threshold, not knowing whether to return or to keep going. There are no guarantees in this ungodly world. What lies ahead… the unknown… I walk on… on the shore, hoping to catch the rays portentous of a new dawn, with no misery, no melancholy, no glum memories to haunt me…to a fresh start. Deep down I know its not all that difficult. All I have to do is not look back…. But that's the hard-hitting part. I run, hoping to leave all my uncertainties behind me only to realize that it is me who I have been running from all along. I don't have the valor to confront my own feelings. I don't have the courage to let go of my past. I feel strangulated, at wits end, as if all I had ever believed in has come crumbling down, all my dreams... all my beliefs… all my hopes. The struggle for survival is on, the outcome unknown.

Why Me??

I can see the sun hidden behind the clouds, cotton balls taking a flight in the gentle breeze, its simply beautiful… But I am a witness to this lovely scene from behind a glass wall. It doesn't even touch me. I run outside... in the open, to feel what I could not touch, to touch what I could not feel from behind that glass wall. The gentle breeze that till now was caressing my skin suddenly turned into hard wind... grazing my face… bruising my skin... reminding me that life is so unpredictable! But then the rain comes pouring down...falling on my face. The gentle rain drops kissing my lips...washing away with them the tears on my face.... melting away my sorrows… and I once again face the phenomenal truth of life... its so unpredictable. The lightening schemes up with the thunder... wickedly jolts me out of my day dream…and I wake up to the rude reality. I am still where I was... behind the cold glass wall. Wanting to feel the happiness of life…wanting to touch the drops with my fingers… wanting to soak in as much life in me as possible. But alas…! Life doesn't treat everyone with fur-covered gloves. At times… its just the cruel realities of life, full of thorns, on which I try to avoid and carefully tread my journey forward…in hope… hoping that there's something good that awaits me on the other side. By the time I do manage to scrape my way to the open…. the clouds give way to the sun... the soothing breeze turns into a heat wave… the gentle weather turns into my worst imaginable enemy… with the sun throwing its harsh...unsympathetic rays at me… melting me, this time, so unlike the rain drops that earlier tasted of honey.. I am forced to think…

Is it life? Or is it just me? Just when I thought I had found my answers... The question itself changes. Just when I thought I had reached my destination… I find myself at the starting point… to start all over again on the same downtrodden path called LIFE. Is that how life is for everyone? Is that how everyone struggles…? Is that how I am supposed to lead my life…? Forever wanting… forever wishing… for happiness… for LIFE….? The only question that remains with me... Keeps haunting me... keeps taunting me… WHY ME??