Never

There were so many things I wanted to say. So many things I wanted to hear. But words weren't enough. Never will be.

When I said goodbye, I didn't mean I never want to see your face ever again and that I completely loathe you. I just meant to let you know, that I understand. I understand you have to leave, I understand why you can't stay. I wish I didn't, I wish I hated you, but it just doesn't seem like the right thing to do..

But friends understand, and so I do too.

The road you walked on, away from me is empty now. But I'm still here. Waiting. Sometimes for an explanation. Sometimes for you. Sometimes for the realization to set in that this is it, this is true.

The phone rings. One. Two. Three. But no one picks it up, who wants to hear more words. More lies hiding behind a silly mask of something nice. Four. Five. Six. I've become too closely attached to this silence. It doesn't lie and doesn't give any expectations. Seven. Eight. Nine. & I cut the phone. There isn't any need to rub it in the face

It starts to rain, but the smile on my face is missing. Happy thoughts of the thunder and lightening are just a memory, never to return to reality. Because I'm here & you're there. And this is how it's suppose to be.

Could have been. If only. Maybe.

Everything is a blur & nothing seems real. But this is it. This is what we dreaded & what had to come to be. This is the right thing to do no matter how wrong it seems. This is when I want to hear someone say "It's going to be okay" even though you know that rest of your life has been altered because of a couple of weeks, a few chosen words, some memories, and a face.

Never say never. So let's not meet ever? Let's not see each other ever? Let's not talk ever? Let's forget this forever...

Because I don't miss you. I miss the person I thought you were. Everybody changes. You did, I did too. So much that we almost don't recognize each other anymore. So what now? We walk away? Oh, but you already have. So I turn around too? Do I look back at you? Once, twice, a million times? No, i shouldn't. I don't want your last memory to be of you walking away from me.

Because in the end it all comes down to this. People walk away. People always leave.